|| pissed off
So, it's taken me how long to reach the point where I finally felt the need to respond to all these little snide remarks and jabs against a group of my friends? Ummm...since April, if I'm not mistaken and that's what--3 months? Three months I have been quiet, taking in all these attacks that pop up in my personal journal, from my personal friends? And yet, darn it, I'm the one who can't let go of the past and move on.
Guess what? I've taken all I can and am letting loose.
First off--to those who don't know, or have forgotten, or are just morbidly curious--I am one of the list mods and an active member at that downright horrible, shitty rpg that is referred to every so often in a couple of mutual friends' journals. Yes, I am one of the stupid fucking bitches who kicked a group of people out of our game. A group of people, I might add, that had started calling themselves "The Crew" long before they were ever booted. So, as much as I would like for us to take credit for that, dammit, we can't.
This was a group who hated us so much that they continuously bitched, griped, and threw tantrums about the rules that they WILLINGLY signed and agreed to--thereby proving they knew how things worked there, yet continuously pushed the limits of those rules, asked me why didn't some of us just go off and start our own group? Wanna know why I didn't? Because I could handle the rules set forth for me, from the very beginning...if I had a problem with them to begin with, I never would have joined. But also because I have made some very good and close friends there in the time I've been with them and I would just miss them too much.
Here's the one question I have always wanted to ask. If those who were booted hated it there so damn much--why the hell did they stay on? You knew the rules to begin with, you didn't have to sign on, you could have started your own group at any point...why the fuck did you get so pissed if you hated US that damn much? And if you still hate us, why do you hold onto the screen names for your characters with FRP attached? That's ours...but again, I'm part of a group that's not creative enough to come up with something on their own without copying ya'll. Seriously...were you so pissed because the whole lot of you needed a sense of belonging so badly that it--mercifully heavens---actually hurt to know that someone didn't give a flying fig about your feelings and just sent you out into the cold night air on your own? Then welcome to the damn world you made for us.
Sure, those remaining there poke fun at each other, get a little snarky...but we're a family...one we've worked hard to develop and establish trust in one another. But we never get so...whatever it was that you all were...as to purposefully out someone, intentionally hurt a story line, or do something as childish and immature as to act so self-righteous about moving on, yet keep going back, reading and taking things back and continuously making fun of others. We haven't made references to little black rain clouds--or being the fucking black sheep anywhere, either. But again, I'm just a stupid fucking bitch...what do I know?
I'll tell you what I know and that you don't. I let something as silly as a role-playing game affect me--to the point where I was in tears every day for nearly a week after all that shit happened, yet I moved on. It hurt me so badly to know that people I once thought of as my friends--WAAAY back before we ever got into that parallel universe where we pretend to be someone else--hated me and what I enjoy so much as a creative outlet that they hold onto bitterness and hatred. No one knows how much I talked everything out that day, going over each and every possible scenario. We were not the ones who fucking lied or encouraged others to lie to bring in another character. Want to know the real kicker? I was the one who first said to delete that group. Yep, me--the one everybody loved and thought was so cool. And that hurt me so bad, to be the one who realized that would be the only way to get things back on an even keel. Just rip the band aid right off in one quick jerk, and take the damn scabs as well. Would I do it again? In a damn heartbeat. I still consider all of you as my real-life friends, but I'm beginning to wonder exactly how much you think of me--real life--when I have never done one damn thing to any of you personally. And yet, I'm always reading where everything I do and participate in for fun sucks and am told that I can go fuck myself.
My response? And this is just me--April and I'm not speaking on behalf of the other mods or members, just me--I'm tired of this shit...rl and rp. I have not been anything but nice and accommodating to you...and you know who you are. I pose the same question--if you're so unhappy with our group? Why stay? Really? If you hate all the other members, with the exception of a select few, so much, why stay? I am NOT bending over backwards to kiss anyone’s ass and beg them to stay. Leave, stay, I really don't give a fuck anymore. But if any little black rain cloud bursts, or a fucking black sheep bites? *points to self* This weather forecaster will call out the blistering sun and this big dawg will have the sheep's ass for dinner.
As far as what finally pushed me to this point? I just want you to know that yes, all of us at the Island--who have jobs, families, school, and other real-life responsibilities--have nothing better to do than follow every fucking thing ya'll do and copy it just to piss you off. We have tracked every single move you've made since we kicked you off and plotted how to make your lives miserable. That is what we live for--to stress you out. And with that being said...you took our rules with you, down to the fucking specifics of two characters per writer, fantasies are just that, no copying and pasting...you took our terminology with you, you fucking tried to take our spirit, but you didn't. We've let it go. Why can't you? My little rpg doesn't bother anyone. Why do you and your group feel the need to keep dogging us? Our moving to Greatest Journal didn't have one damned thing to do with you...nor did any of our other changes. Get the fuck over yourselves.
Un-friend me, leave me as I am…whatever.
The end...and good night.