Aprilly (daily_nightly) wrote,

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Day 4

I seriously wish to hell these damn side effects would lessen. Tuesday, when I went to the doc and basically broke down in tears while telling her I was all right, I was given a month's supply of Lexapro. Yep. The doc said I was depressed and while she liked Wellbutrin better than anything else, it was too expensive. Hello? Yes, I'd say so at $90 a bottle for one month. I liked it to, because it chilled me out a bit and didnt make me want to sleep all the friggin time or just lay around because I felt lethargic. But Lexapro? I feel very relaxed and sleepy and like I don't have the energy to get up and do any blasted thing. Today, I have GOT to MAKE myself get up and do stuff.

I'm still trying to decide if I want to go to another doc on the 4th of May. The one in May I've always liked. She's great and will run tests on me. I just don't want to keep going from doc to doc like I'm some kind of hypochondriac. I think Doc MacIntosh--the Lexapro one--thinks my little episodes of upper back and chest pain were just anxiety attacks. Gee, wonder where she got that idea from? When she asked me how I was doing, I said I was ok *chokes back tears at that point* Then, she asked what had been going on since she had seen me last in March of 2002. Hmmm...August of 2002, I was involved in a head-on collision where, for all intents and purposes, I should've been killed or seriously injured, but I had some pretty damn good guardian angels looking out for me that day. Then, in the spring of last year (2003), my husband suddenly surprises me one day by saying he wasn't in love with me anymore and he loved this other woman he met online. *blinks* And no, he didn't leave me, but in the summer of last year, I found out that he was indeed cheating on me. But just one time. Whatever. The fucker's no longer seeing her, that much I know for a fact. Oh, and on top of all that, it seems my work had started to suffer so in August of 2003, I was "let go" from my job. Yeah, I had no real reason to be depressed or anything, huh?

*snort* And the most beautiful thing about all of it? The trip to the doctor happened in the middle of all that fucking bullshit with my little rpg. So who the hell knows if my breaking down in tears was more to do with that or everything combined? Just whatever, you know?

Anyway, I need to get my ass up and doing something. I've let stuff be neglected for too long as it is. I just wish I could figure out why in the hell my back is knotted up this morning. I think I slept the wrong way or something.

'Tis all
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